"I
demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
"I
have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat progroms."
"Received
a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Reason
for leaving job: maturity leave."
"Wholly
responsible for two failed financial institutions."
"Failed
bar exam with relatively high grades."
"Let's
meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
"You
will want me to be Head Honcho in no time!"
"Marital
status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
"Reason
for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by
8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
"Note:
Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.' I have never quit
a job."
"I
am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to me
resume on my office voice mail."
"I
procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"As
indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
"Personal
interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"Instrumental
in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"The
company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished
eighth in my class of ten."
"References:
None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
"It's
best for employers that I not work with people."
As
Published By The Bathroom Readers' Institute, Ashland, OR, 2000
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